That's your reaction?

It's finally here!!! Season 5 of HBO's Boardwalk Empire. Are you a fan? Did you miss that opening theme music as much as we did?

Straight Up and Down kicks in. J walks over to turn off the lamp - because it's the season premiere! As he walks back to his seat, he strums his air guitar. Then, I think we just sat in silence and watched - for at least 25 minutes. I'm sure both of us had our wheels turning trying to remember all of the details from so many months ago. Still not saying a word, J shimmied to the conga beat that played in the club in Havana. It wasn't until after the episode ended that J did some research and discovered the series skipped ahead seven years. No wonder my wheels were turning! And no wonder we didn't know why Chalky is in prison!

So here it goes, without spoilers.

A man is speaking to his employees, and then randomly, pulls a gun from his pocket (gasp!!) and shoots himself in the head.

A - (smack my forehead with the palm of my hand)
J - That's your reaction? A man blows his brains out and you smack your head like, "Oh, forgot my keys on my desk." 

And, as I mentioned:

J - Why is chalky in prison? Do we know?
A - (crickets. . . because if anyone remembered or prepared for this show, it would be J, not me.)

I promised, no spoilers. So, two men walk into a restaurant and shoot another man, who I would consider a fairly prominent character:

J - Is that how he really died? (He proceeded to search on his phone. This happens anytime someone who was a real person historically has something tragic happen to them. We have to verify that it truly happened.)
A - (crickets . . . again, because if anyone would know this information. not. me.)

There is some sort of man's club that you get accepted into my slicing your palm open with a knife, and then every other member does the same thing, and they all shake hands, sliced bleeding palm against sliced bleeding palm. Fun!

J - Aids alert!
A - (after about the third man slicing his palm with knife) I don't need to see anymore slices. (cover my eyes)
J - No wonder syphilis was so high. 

And then, Gah!! This isn't as exciting since I'm trying not to spoil anything. Then, another murder. This time, with a machete:

J - (as the machete is lifted up to come down into a man's skull) Look away! (he knows what I can't handle)
A - (I saw it) It wasn't so bad. 

Not bad until the murderer grabs a pocket knife and leans over and pulls up the dead man's ear . . .

A - Nope. Oh no. Now I will look away.
J - Aaaand, it's over. 

(P.S. not spoiling big news, but he puts the guy's ear in his shirt pocket - ew!! Why??)

So there you have it - our live commentary of the premiere.

Stay tuned,
We have yet to watch the Hard Knocks finale.